'She is not a friend but a freeloader': Entitled woman stays at friend's apartment 4-5 days a month and doesn't clean up, is offended when friend pushes back

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 22, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Having your friends crash with you is one of the unavoidable happenstances of adulthood you must learn to navigate. It's hopefully a reciprocal favor and gives you some good quality time, but it does have its drawbacks. You have to re-adjust your routine, plan fun activities in your city to entertain them, and you probably have to clean up after them, even if they do most of the work. It can sort of upend your life for a couple of days, but if it's a good friend, it's hopefully worth it. Plus, it's not usually something you have to deal with that many times a year. 

Unless you're the person behind this story whose friend took advantage of them and their apartment for too long. You always have the right to kick someone out of your house, and sometimes you have to exercise it. It can be awkward between friends, but your own sanity is too important. Read on for the story.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10389796096
    via Bench Accounting
  • 02
    AITA for not letting my friend use my apartment as a "crash pad" whenever she's in town?
    via u/F8thyxo
  • 03
    I (25F) live in a major city where a lot of my friends from college often visit for work or vacations. One of my close friends, "Emily" (26F), lives in a different state but frequently travels to my city for business. Whenever she's here, she asks to stay at my apartment, and for the most part, I've been happy to let her crash with me to save on hotel costs.
    via u/F8thyxo
  • 04
    However, lately, it's become a bit overwhelming. Emily visits at least once a month, and she usually stays for 4-5 days at a time. When she's here, she treats my place like a hotel-she comes and goes as she pleases, doesn't really help with cleaning up, and expects me to be around to hang out when she's free, even though I have my own life and responsibilities.
    via u/F8thyxo
  • 05
    Last month, I gently told Emily that while I love seeing her, I need some more space and suggested that she consider staying at a hotel or splitting her visits between my place and other friends. She didn't take it well. She accused me of not being a good friend and said that since I live alone and have the space, it shouldn't be a big deal to let her stay.
    via u/F8thyxo
  • 06
    I tried to explain that it's not about space, but about feeling like my home isn't my own when she's here so often. Now, she's barely speaking to me, and some mutual friends think I'm being unreasonable for not wanting to help her out.
    via u/F8thyxo
  • 07
    BlackFlash3003 · 10 hr. ago NTA You dont owe her free accommodation when she feels like popping by. 4-5 days a month is a lot to have someone over that doesnt do anything around the house. I get wanting to stay with you, but she
    via u/BlackFlash3003
  • 08
    should pull the weight around the house, cook you dinner as a sign of appreciation, clean up after herself. You did the right thing and honestly you could've done this sooner.
    via u/BlackFlash3003
  • 09
    F8thyxo OP 10 hr. ago Your right I should have done it a lot sooner
    via u/F8thyxo
  • 10
    BlackFlash3003 · 10 hr. ago Also you don't need to explain yourself to her or give her lots of reasons and appease her anger. I can't host you anymore, that's it, I'm sorry. If she doesn't want to be your friend anymore after this you'll know why she was your friend in the first place.
    via u/BlackFlash3003
  • 11
    Kukka63 10 hr. ago • NTA, she is not a friend but a freeloader who wants a good thing but doesn't want to pay for it.
    via u/Kukka63
  • 12
    Forward_Nothing5979. 8 hr. ago NTA She's also pocketing per diem, meant to cover food and hotels for work travel. She didn't even offer op part of it to house and feed her.
    via u/Forward_Nothing5979
  • 13
    Clean_Factor9673 10 hr. ago NTA. If she's traveling on business, her employer should provide her a hotel. If it's her business and she can't afford a hotel she's underfunded and not your problem
    via u/Clean_Factor9673
  • 14
    Unplanned route . 9 hr. ago That was my first thought too. Unless she is pocketing the expenses, or it's pretend business.
    via u/Unplannedroute
  • 15
    PuzzledAd3528 10 hr. ago NTA its your place and youre entitled to decide who gets to come by and who doesnt. If its too much then its too much and thats okay, its your space, your rules
    via u/PuzzledAd3528
  • 16
    fallingintopolkadots 10 hr. ago NTA. She's been taking advantage of your kindness. She should have most certainly been cleaning up after herself, perhaps taking you out a time or two, and making sure she's not getting in your way. She's being a bad friend and a terrible houseguest.
    via u/fallingintopolkadots
  • 17
    Having firm boundaries (and learning to say a firm no) is very helpful when you live in a city people looooovvvveeee to visit and always will hope to crash at your place.
    via u/fallingintopolkadots
  • 18
    diminishingpatience 9 hr. ago NTA. If she wants to behave as if she's in a hotel, she needs to pay for one; if she wants to stay with a friend, she should treat you like one.
    via u/diminishingpatience
  • 19
    carmabound 10 hr. ago • NTA - If she's barely speaking to you now, it means your friendship was based on what you could do for her. It's telling that once you said "no" things changed. Are - those same friends telling you you're being unreasonable, willing to let her stay with them?
    via u/carmabound
  • 20
    DeepValleyDrive 9 hr. ago NTA - If she's staying with you 4-5 days a month consistently, that means out of a year, she's staying at your place 15% of the time. If you paid $1,500 a month in rent (which is either really low if you're in a high cost of living city or quite high if it's lower), she's basically putting you out $1,450 a year in shared rent (not including utilities or other fees) from her time staying with you.
    via u/DeepValleyDrive
  • 21
    Hosting friends on visits is one thing, but treating you like a "whenever I feel like it" roommate with a high degree of consistency, while also expecting full guest treatment, is a very different story. At the very least, you need to come up with some kind of agreement for how these visits are structured and she should contribute if it's a recurring deal like it. seems.
    via u/DeepValleyDrive

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